My goldfish are still awake…they often willing keep me company for late night creative or other work adventures…and when they are unwilling they turn their tails to me and sleep. It’s so cute. But it’s nice having them there- a silent sweetness to their presence.
I’ve had what would be a normal day I suppose for this season, problem solving from the moment my eyes opened till endlessly. It’s not always fun. It can get rather messy. And for the sensitive person who still exists behind the mascara and a stiff upper lip, I don’t forget though I do forgive. I’ve had ample opportunity to learn about human nature and human behavior and reactions, some instances still leave me perplexed to understand a motive, but most often intuition makes the person an open book. I have a strong sense of intuition though not everyone realizes it. So if you are genuine I see it. If you are manipulative I see it. If you are being cranky and difficult more than a circumstance requires I see it. Do I not get annoyed when you are being annoying, I don’t. I am very human too, and some things make me pretty upset. But being angry doesn’t make anything better. Fear still remains the root cause of anger. And why should we live afraid. Life has taught me to be brave, no matter what you lose in the process, it’s so much better to live a courageous life.
I continue with mixed bag days, alot to celebrate and somethings to roll my eyes about and wonder why oh why did that happen. But ultimately relationships are fragile, and both people need to protect and nurture it or it will slowly disappear into nothingness. I wonder about what I would have done different if an older self lived in a younger day. I would have done more than a few things very differently I think, but perhaps I wasn’t as brave then, or courageous, or willing to lose what I thought I really wanted or needed.
My moments of deep realization in a wilderness season, taught me not to cling too closely to anyone or anything more than whatever is really important to me inside, in my spirit. It’s not always easy, as familiarity remains comfortable and soothing, the known always has this calming effect. And yet today, I remain open and flexible to change, even if I don’t necessarily like it at the time. Finally you distill what is really precious to you and what is not.
Strong character seems almost like a gold coin hidden in the back of an antique shop nowadays, and yet in some people there are full banks of strength and character. You may not know who you are, but you make me stronger. Thank you for being there in the every silence and every time we speak. You make me brave.