blurry days

Keep going…

The last month is a blur…so many things that happened so fast.

Stillness is a luxury, but I do carve out time for this.

And in my stillness then I crave activity that is relaxing. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes not.

If I just listed this week so far…it has been overfull. Writing a dance syllabus for 10 class groups, working on an application, teaching dances classes and rehearsals every day, sometimes for most of the day, squeezing in meetings at consulates and coffee shops for work and with friends, online meetings and chats, artist communications, artist negotiations, social media posts, team communications, design work, elocution classes, taking care of the fish(these ones are an adorable handful! ), taking care of the garden, celebrating birthdays, cooking, cleaning, open studio dance showcase and trying to taking care of myself.

It seems far too busy.

I would like lazy days of staying at home and reading a book.

But there sometimes doesn’t even feel like you have permission to rest. This is definitely an easy danger for me. But something in my spirit makes me stop. Stay still. Breathe. Cry. Laugh. Reflect. Write. And remember I have time. Time to dream. Time to do things the way I’d like to see them done, not just to rush. Time to swim and time to giggle and do nothing. I make some deadlines set by others. My own ones I sometimes stretch.

Change and transition carry an inevitable sense of loss. And while many of these changes are good in the long term even if not immediately…the adjustment is usually not as easy. I feel I’m in the phase of being bolder, stronger, wiser…or at least I know I need to grow into being able to do this. Stay courageous, was my theme and resolute hope for 2018…it sounds silly, like something out of a school day assembly…but having courage can be a great gift.

So while I’m in a perplexing time of wanting many different things and feeling helpless because there isn’t much I can do to speed up the awkward adjustment process…I just keep going. Little by little, step by step, and I celebrate the moments that are enchanting.

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