figuring it out…

Music feeds the soul…

I probably shouldn’t write just now…but rest instead…I can’t though…

My soul needs some recharging…because pouring out creatively sometimes drains me.

It’s strange because sometimes a creative process can be very energising…usually in dance it is…but painting or design or writing, oh my how it drains me…it’s weird, because it’s not always the most extraordinary result…but the process demands some depth of my being that takes a lot out of me. I think if I was dancing a solo myself it would be the same, and yes when I’m choreographing by myself even if for some one else…actually I think it’s the early phase when the search is on, it’s hard. Very hard. You need to get to a place where you have to strip bare everything superfluous. And when I paint, it’s reaching the point where the layers end and form begins. I keep questioning, now…? now? now? And my instinct usually carries me through a few more hours (or days) of searching.

I know I am just verbally processing here…but every artist should try to know themselves better…or at least I think so… analysing my creative process is useful for me at least…trying to figure out pain from a process of creation…it’s a total ‘aaaahhhhhhh’ feeling for me. I hate the sensation of pain but the product of my creative attempts is usually good…though I still don’t know if they are worth this emotional struggle. I know I sound like a spoilt child. This is the same feeling when thinking of a title for a piece of choreography. Naming my paintings are so much easier for no reason that I know. Giving a title to a piece of dance I create so much harder.

Crafting. It’s a process. One has to keep at it. Learn from what you observe around you, from other creative inspirations. But there is no escape or shortcut to honing of one’s own skills. Do and repeat repeat repeat.

I feel old and young at the same time. Grow in wisdom but stay hungry and keep learning. You might read this and say as others have, ‘You think too much!’. It’s true, I probably do, sometimes.

I try to keep my reflections constructive though. I miss the river today in Taipei. And heavy waves by midnight. Of all the rivers in the world I love, that’s a special one. Kisses. I hope I see you soon.


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